sweaty pits, palms, and a whole lot of nerves

So tonight was the night, the night for me to share my story with our community group. I was so scared. Opening up about your life, the good...the bad...and the ugly is so hard, esp. when it is infront of a group of your church peers.

But like I said, and thank you Amy for the encouragement, if my story can help anyone, I will share it.

So here blog world...here is my story:

I was born in Tupelo, MS on July 6, 1984 to Robert & Rebecca Musso. 6 days after I was born I was given up for adoption and given to my parents, Debbie & Johnny.

My childhood was a good one, we spent Sunday's at my grandmothers and at the zoo. I became a Christian in 1993 and I lived what I knew to be a Christian life.

In 1997 I was finishing 7th grade and I was trying to find myself. I wore alot of mask to fit in with alot of people.

This continued to be the trend until my best friend was killed in a car crash in 1999.

I spent that Summer away with relatives so I could escape the media frenzy that surrounded the accident.

I came back an alcoholic & drug user. I spent the next 6 years of life floating through life and as a functioning alcoholic. I could drink daily and survive. I attached myself to groups of people, I was in a relationship, I went to church, family gatherings..everything and nobody knew the secret that I was hiding.

When I was 20 I decided to quiet college and enter the work force. It was there that I found Todd. Todd and I eloped and began our life as a couple. We partied and we did not live a Christian life style. I was a bartender, he was a sales associate and we drank like a camel.

In January of 06 I discovered I was pregnant and instead of being excited I was scared. I had been pregnant for 16 weeks and didn't know it and all I could think about was the amount of alcohol I had put in my system. It was that day that I turned back to the God that I once knew and surrendered my life to him. I knew I had to change and this was my opportunity.

Madyson was born on July 6, 06, my 22nd birthday. She was healthy and beautiful.

Now here I am almost 4 years later....I have changed alot. I have had to learn the English language all over again (minus the sailor tounge), I went from never going to church to going to church 6 days a week (BIG ADJUSTMENT), I have gotten use to not being invited out for drinks. Each day I wake up and challenge myself to be a better person. I have my days where I slip but I have Todd there to help me, to give me strength and to remind me that I am loved by God, by him and by our girls and our families. It took me my entire 25 years of life to discover that it is so much easier to be a Christian and I love knowing that no matter what mistakes I have made or make, I do not have to hid anymore. I can deal with issues both good and bad and I can do it with prayer instead of alcohol.

I have acquantences from all walks of life with all different lifestyles. I enjoy the melting pot of people. I am so happy with my life right now and I thank God for being there with me through the dark times. I know it was hard for him to watch me make those terrible mistakes, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he had his hand on mine, guiding me through it all.

So thats me....raw, unmasked and sober. If you had of told me 5 years ago that I would be married, have 2 kids, and sit infront of a group of my church peers and openly talk about my life journey WITHOUT a drink in my system...I would have told you that you are crazy (just not in those nice of words!)

Thank you for letting me share it with you.