I got to school to pick the girls up and was immediately bombarded by 3ft tall people saying, "Madyson doesn't get to go on our field trip tomorrow, she got in trouble."
Madyson DOES NOT get in trouble. EVER. I mean at school at least. She is that strong-willed but respectful child. Well as I turn to Madyson to ask her what happens she says (as her eyes fill up with tears) I got my name off the school bus for being disrespectful and for being bad"
The kids are so loud talking to me about this that her main teacher (who stays to supervise the afternoon) comes in to explain that during music class madyson and boy1 and boy2 decided not listen during music, that they were being VERY disrespectful and that the boys even used dirty words. And that that usually means (getting your name off the bus) that you don't get to go on the field trip. But that madyson redeemed herself throughout the rest of the day so she gets to go but I need to consider possible having her moved classes so she won't be with these boys, that are "the cause of her problems"
My first instinct is to cry. My child really is not a bad kid. She has gotten 4 discipline report in 4 years. 3 were when she was 2 and she bit her friends. 1 was last year.
Here we are at the end of the school year and I am now finding out that she has "problems". So on the way home I just fought back tears and had to figure out how to handle this properly. So when we got home I sent her to her room to clean up and to have some quiet time. During this time, I lost it. I just cried and cried.
Once I had my composure I went into her room to talk about what all happened. She told me it all started over boy1 saying an ugly word and boy2 saying it and madyson says she told them to stop and then they were tickling her and she got in trouble for playing and not listening then one of the boys did something to the teacher and they didn't get smarties and they all had to go to the room and got in trouble.
(keep in mind she is 3.75yo and this was 6 hours after the incident)
So I explained to her that it is not appropriate ever to be a follower of friends that misbehave. That how we act displays how we love and if we act out and not follow the rules it shows that we are not thinking with our hearts. We had a long discussion on what Mommy (&Daddy) expect, especially when we are at school.
She got it. She was really sorry.
She had to be in bed early tonight with no cartoons. and tomorrow she has to apologize to the teachers.
Even though I don't feel like Madyson should have gotten her name off the school bus, I still respect her teachers and want her to learn that it is not okay to misbehave, ever.
I am however having a hard time with a few things. 1) that all the other kids knew what was going on. Madyson says she was embarrassed by the way the other kids treated her after they found out that she was in trouble. Humility is something that I think plays a big part in how kids develop. I do not like her feeling this way.
2) What happened to the boys? Did they get their name taken off the school bus? They said ugly words (madyson shared what they said and it hurts my heart to know that she is being exposed to this at her age)
3) Should I have her moved? She loves her girlfriends in this class, I love the parents, I have bonded with the parents through field trips and such. Why shouldn't the boys have to move?
4) The boys are both being raised by young single mothers and their grandparents. Is she lacking something at home that is drawing her to these kids? Todd and I make mistakes, we do. Todd works alot to provide for our family and I get stressed alot doing alot of the parenting alone plus working. I don't know the living situations of these boys in details (but I have been around them for almost 4 years through school and church and have seen how they behave first hand. I love them to death but also know that they are usually in the timeout chair when I pick her up)
So after this meltdown and marking of my child being exposed to the real world I go to find Aubrie Kate, who I think has been eating a Popsicle in the play room only to find that she has been coloring.....
on the couch. Yes the couch in the playroom. She has been coloring with crayons and the Popsicle.
Needless to say, when Todd got home they were already bathed and in the bed.
I really hoped to have atleast 3 years before all the drama began. But I am now sitting at the cross roads of my baby being a big girl, and having to deal with big girl things and make big girl choices, and my wittybitty baby thinking she is van gough and having to learn to only color on paper.
aww, sorry your sweet girl is going through this! my initial thought also was that the boys should be moved, not her! seeing that they seem to stay in trouble and madyson rarely causes problems!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up,I got my first spanking at school because of a little boy...and this was back when they could use wooden paddles still! He kept asking me questions and getting me to talk to him and laugh and stuff......and I was the one who ended up out in the hallway:(
ReplyDeleteHe and all the other boys thought this was very funny....If I remember correctly, I was in the first grade. It happens to the best of us! Don't worry! She's not the only one, nor will she be the last!
goodness. what a day. so sad, and i don't even know madyson, but my heart hurts for her. i blogged a while back about lou getting in trouble at school and that feeling as a mom is way too fresh in my memory. i couldn't do anything that day but cry and question my parenting skills.
ReplyDeletebut, what i do know is that she has learned a lot from this situation. with her being as smart as she is, she probably looked at it and thought, "you know what...this is NOT what i want to be" and will move straight on from it.
it is hard as a mom to know what to do, but it will come to you. heads up, buttercup.
I'm so sorry :(
ReplyDeleteI remember a boy getting me into trouble in music class in the first grade. I had to sit in the corner and I was MORTIFIED. I never got into trouble! It proves that it stuck with me all of these years....
If it seems that Madyson understands what you told her and doesn't seem too terribly upset about the incident, I would just wait and see what happens. But if anything happens again, I would talk to someone about having those boys at least separated from each OTHER. I think kids (especially little boys) take each other's cues and just bring out the worst in each other sometimes.
You're definitely smart enough to know that you can't protect Madyson from all situations like this, but at her young age, I think it's perfectly acceptable to try your darndest. You did a great job, and don't be afraid to ask for a separation if you feel you need to. Trust your gut!
I think you handled how you handled talking to Madyson perfectly! She is definitely at the start of the age where kids are really vulnerable to peer pressure ...they want to make all their 'friends' happy. Your discussion about what you and Todd feel is acceptable will go a long way in reminding her what y'all expect of her. You posted a while back about noticing a shift in her attitude lately...my guess is that these boys could be to blame. I would schedule a meeting with her teachers to find out not only what happened yesterday and how it was handled (what happened to the boys, why the other kids were so aware of the punishment, why you weren't told of the 'problems' Madyson has had this year sooner, etc.) but also to let them know that you don't want her moved because of her friendships with the girls and that you feel it would be more beneficial to split the 2 boys. I think you and Todd are doing a great job as parents...even though he works a lot, it seems like he tries to spend as much time with the girls as he can and your stories of how the two of you parent shows that y'all are proactive and not reactive...all that to say I think Madyson learned the attitude/behavior in her class and that the teachers should have brought it to your attention sooner. Question their actions as to why they did not do this because that knowledge would have been helpful in understanding why she has acted/reacted the way she has lately.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry this happened! It sounds like you handled it beautifully! As a teacher, I would love it if all moms handled their child's misbehavior this way. It sounds like you are on the right track!
ReplyDeleteMy advice would be to just make sure that you are in contact with the teacher and made aware of any further situations. If this was the first incident that you've heard of, then I think that separation seems a little drastic.
I usually only recommend separating children or moving them to another classroom when they are in situations that could greatly impact their safety or ability to thrive. If Madyson is not having any of these issues then it could just be a "watch and wait" kind of situation. As long as you are speaking with her and speaking with the teachers - then you are doing all that you can! Good luck and I really hope things get better (and I'm glad she can go on the field trip). :)