getting close to the due date...

today's post is a little "calm". There wont be alot of ! in here but to track the healing process of the miscarriage.

According to my lovely babcenter.com updates I would be nearing my 33rd week of pregnancy. I can tell its getting close because the bundle of facebook friends that announced their pregnancy the same time I was having the miscarriage are beginning to have contractions, get uncomfortable, and deliver.

Over the last few weeks, I will be laying down and experience what feels like a kick. I researched and found they are called "Phantom kicks" were your mind/body experience traits like you were still pregnant.

I figured by now I would be 100% but at least once a week I get extremely depressed, curl up and cry. Mainly for whats not going to happen. In a few weeks I am not going to go in for a C-Section, I am not going to be bringing home my #3 the way, 33 weeks ago, I thought I would.

When I get upset, I am reminded of the day I sat in church, sobbing, feeling God calling us to adopt. It is the only thought that has allowed me comfort in this. That day was profound day. It was God, speaking to me. To love a child that didn't grow inside of me. But was created for me. After 2 years of a crazy adoption ride there is a chance we are getting close to bringing our #3 home.

I have learned that even though you feel like things are going great and are own track, sometimes God takes over the wheel and you take a detour route. To you, that detour route doesn't seem like the best route. But God, he knows best.

Some of the things I have seen take place over the months since the miscarriage is the following:
1) Todd's mom had a stroke when I would have been about 24 weeks. That is the same time I went into preterm labor with Madyson. The stress that caused on our family would not have been good for a high-risk pregnancy.

2)When Todd left his former job for his current job we lost our insurance for 60 days. Yes we could have paid for Cobra for me but the cost of that would have been 2x our mortgage. For a high-risk pregnancy 60 days without insurance is a lot.

I say all this to conclude to this. God has plans for us. I know that he will allow us to bend but never break.

He works miracles and who knows...in a few weeks, we could still be bringing our #3 home.

Thanks for continuing the journey with me.