From my Heart: When Life Gets into Marriage

I remember as a child thinking about how one day I was going to grow up and marry this handsome man and run my own business and travel the world with him. Even in my first pageant, my ambition in life was "To be a wedding planner and of course get married".

But then that day came, oh.. when I was around 18 when I thought to myself....you know marriage might not be all it cracked up to be. I mean, the "wifely" role of raising kids, taking care of a household, being the rock of the family. Yeah....none of that really appealed to me. It was the "perks" of marriage that appealed to me.

Then one day, I saw a picture of a guy, and my prospective changed. I said (and actually meant it) that is the guy I am going to marry. 6 months later, I did just that.

Now marriage for me was a quick thing. We never dated, we barely knew anything about each other, we had no careers, just jobs, we had no time to prepare. We eloped and kept it a secret. Then we all know what happened. Madyson was bestowed upon us, and life changed fast.

That time we needed to figure out who that other person was, was defiantly cut short. We now had to figure out, HOW we are going to do this. We had to quit living on love and start living a life that could support a child.

We both excelled in our career choices. I always knew event planning was my desire. I just had to figure out how to do that, without being "a wedding planner". Todd wanted to be a teacher but was an amazing business man, so he chose that career path.

After Madyson came, we had to adjust to life with 1 child, while still being newlyweds. It was very hard. Todd was in school and working full time. I was a stay at home mom (for the first time in my life) for 6 months. We moved 2x that year. We had to buy furniture, I had to go back to work (after not sleeping for 6months) it was just crazy. Then as we started getting settled....Aubrie came. and the roller coaster started again.

The one thing that has kept Todd and I together for *almost 5 years is the promises that we made to each other on day 1.

"It is about us and how we want to do it. We always talk, no matter if it isn't a pleasant conversation. We show love even when we don't feel like it. We never go to bed angry"

Life Happens, Marriage doesn't. You can't just say "I do" and go about it. Marriage is a full-time job.
For almost *5 years Todd and I have worked and worked and worked. We have overcome battles, we have learned a lot about ourselves, we have given every ounce of ourselves to our kids. We have fought and we have cried....but we have also loved more deeply than most people ever do.

I had an email from a reader who was horrified at the fact that we have been married for 5 years and we are just now leaving our kids for the first time. She went on to explain how it is so important for a marriage for couples to spend time together outside of the house, without the kids.

Thank you reader. I am completely aware of that fact. Todd and I have had over nights, we have had date nights, we spend time together a lot. But this weekend is our first trip (multiple days) away from the kids and it isn't because we haven't wanted too. Its because it has taken me this long to get to the point where I can.

In 1999, I suffered a huge loss in my life when my best friend (who was 15) was killed in a car accident. My life was turned upside down, inside out. I spent years learning how to cope with the thoughts in my head. One of the ladies who use to help me told me as I was finishing my last session with her, "One day you will have kids and the fears and the pain that you feel now, will come back to you, but you are strong enough to over come it."

For the first 2 years of being a mom that fear was there, but I couldn't overcome it, because I had no one to trust in. As my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger the pain has been eased. I am now at a point in my life where I am ready to leave my children for a few days.

I am excited about this trip. Todd and I are not "romantic" people. Destination trips, candle light dinners....that just isn't our thing. We are adventurous and fun and really random. This trip is just a highlight of things we love to do and time we are so excited to get. I am blessed that all of our parents (8ish) of them have come together in different ways to help us celebrate this big occasion. Because 5 years ago, I can guarantee they NEVER thought we would be here!

But at the same time, We are missing the first day of preschool for aubrie kate, the first day of 4k for Madyson, and Madyson's first day of ballet class for her new year. But I know it will be worth it, and I have taught my mom how to use her digital camera so she can capture it all for me!

So reader that will remain nameless,

 Thank you for your concern. Life sometimes gets into a marriage. Weather it be work, money, old battle scars, or children. When that does happen, it doesn't make your marriage less stronger, it just makes it more to work at. And makes the time you do get, even more special!