February 11th, life is full of ups and downs

Each day I try to live my life to be the best it can be. Some days it is hard to wake up and say thank you Lord for providing me with a home, healthy children, a loving husband, and a paying job. Some days the little things get to you and you have a hard time being thankful for the important things.

Today is one of those days.

I didn't sleep well last night because I was playing interior designer in my head. Could this go there? what about this color? Remodeling a house is a big undertaking, esp. when you are trying to do most of it, yourself.

When I did wake up the wind was blowing so hard my sweet olive tree was swaying, grass to grass. Today was a day to stay in bed, to snuggle with the girls, to play dress up and tea party but really today was Wednesday, 3rd day of the work week...time to get up and get ready.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my job. I have the greatest job ever. But some days, most days, actually every day...I wish I was at home with the girls all day! But it is hard to be a stay at home mom and afford to remodel your house, pay your bills and wear clothes on 1 salary, so that is really just a dream.

Getting ready was stressful. Madyson didn't want to go to school, nor did she want to get dressed, Aubrie Kate was into everything, including the potty! Todd was already at work and there I was with wet hair trying to dress an upset two year old. When she was finally dressed and ready to go I asked her to sit and watch t.v. so I could get ready. Then I heard poor little patches (the kitten) yelp with pain. I came back to find patches being turned into a kitten pretzel! without thinking I yelled at Madyson, with hurtful words. I never yell at Madyson. I am one of those "super nanny" moms that always uses a firm but loving voice and disciplines with this is what Jesus would do. But for some reason today, they frustration I was feeling came out, on my baby.

She cried, I cried, we both cried. I tried to make it better but she said "momma that really hurts my heart". Boy, did that break mine....

Being a mom is so hard. The hearts of your precious children are in your hands and you have to be careful on how you handle each situation.

So now, she is at school....so is Aubrie. I am at work, but my heart, my heart is full of pain and my eyes are full of tears. I will do my best to be a good worker today and give 100% but it is hard because right now, it isn't my #1 priority.