Last night we had our women's bible study. This go around we are studying "Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free." Have you read it? It is a great book.
One of the biggest things in my life right now (and I am opening up here so no mean comments)
is adjusting to the life I have. Now, let me be more specific. Almost a year ago we began our adoption process. And I promise, we have hit so many bumps and dead ends that it isn't even funny. I know this is God's will so its hard for me to accept the thought that we aren't further along. I cannot begin to express to you the guilt I feel when I read articles in the paper about mothers killing their children, not feeding their children, selling their children for sex. Yes, all right here in our wonderful country where anything is suppose to be possible and life is suppose to be full of hopes and dreams.
Each time we have hit a snag in our process (being turned down for domestic by our first choice agency but approved for international, 2nd agency getting shut down...etc. etc) it seems that our beloved #3 is never going to get to us. (all while still "trying" but not conceiving)...My plan for this point in my life was to own our home (check) be done with kitchen remodel (close enough for check) and to be bringing our little one home by Christmas. God though, has a different plan and I am having to remember that I am not in control. And honestly...It is hard.
This week has been extremely emotional for me. Aubrie Kate is now officially not a baby. She is a self sufficient preschooler. Madyson is almost done with her first 9 weeks of public schools...our house is almost complete but our home still is missing that piece.
I know all is good in God's timing and that is the only thing that is pulling me through. Today while pinning I found this.
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And I am thinking about blowing it up and putting in everywhere in my house. I might be having a self pity-party today but I cannot let it effect the way I live. I have tons of reason to be blessed and to celebrate. I must let go..and let God do his thing. It will be when it is suppose to be.
sweet sweet girl......how these children give us woes! I hurt for the void in your life right now. Sometimes I think God gives us these painful times so that we can fully understand, revel, and appreciate the beauty when he gives us what we need in HIS plan. Days like this are so tough. And its okay to be bummed sometimes. We let our children understand and feel dissapointment because they need too. What about us? I am praying for your precious family and for God to give you contentment. (*and praying that also it is his plan to give you new life sooner rather than later!)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have hit so many snags in the adoption process. It definitely doesn't seem fair that you and Todd are wanting another baby so badly but keep getting told no or not now and so many other parents aren't caring properly for their kids or don't want the ones they're going to have. A girl I went to high school with seems to have forgotten that all kids are gifts from God, even when they don't seem to fit into her plan...she's married with 3 small kids and one more on the way (even though she'd had a tubal) and her last few posts on facebook have been complaining about the pregnancy...kinda wish she'd be willing to put the baby up for adoption because I'd for sure tell her that y'all are wanting to adopt. I'm praying for you to feel God's peace so that you're able to wait for his timing.
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