Recently on blogs, twitter and facebook I have noticed a ton of Moms comparing themselves to the books of child rearing, analyzing their decisions of parenting, and really feeling down about themselves. So, with all that being said, I am coming out of my parenting shell and revealing all the ways I break the rules as a mom.
Lets start with the big one. There is no breastfeeding going on in the Broadus house. Here is the why. With Madyson I pumped for 2 months and she drank expressed milk. It was important for me to get her on a bottle and on a routine because I knew I would be going back to work and I really didn't want her having a hard time. Eating is important. This turned out extremely beneficial for us bc it allowed me to sleep at night (I stayed home with her for 6 months) and Todd to feed her. Then I would be up with her all day. After 2 months she went to formula. Turns out she is a Soy baby. Still to this day she enjoys a nice cold glass of soy milk. With Aubrie Kate: I was on a lot of medicine after my rough time with my section and could not pump. So she has been a formula baby all her life. And oddly, Madyson is the sicker of the two. Aubrie Kate has never had an ear infection, fever virus, or any normal child illness. Is this connected? I have no idea...just pointing out something odd. * And yes I know ALL the benefits of breastfeeding. My sister-in-law is the poster child for a perfect breastfeeding campaign. I think it is a great thing and a very natural and wonderful thing, but it didn't work with our family. and my kids turned out...okay*
2.I have never read a baby parenting book. My sister in law passed down "what to expect...toddler years...etc." I flipped through it. Wasn't my cup of tea. I don't like going off someone else's experiences when it comes to MY children. They aren't those kids in the book and I don't want to compare them.
3. Which brings us to #3, I had no idea what percentage my kids were at in anything until Madyson's weight issue last year. And I got a big ole slap in the face in that one. Turns out, my "healthy lifestyle" was a bit too healthy. A few months of weight gaining training and shes is now a healthy weight AND has learned just how great a snicker is.
4. I have no desire to be a mom that has their child in EVERYTHING. Madyson came to me a few weeks ago, unannounced, and said she was quitting dance. My response was, "ok". I want my children to enjoy extracurricular activities. I want them to try alot and see what they are good at. I am not begging for a super star cheerleader or a Ballerina, I just want them happy. Turns out after 2 weeks of no dance, she was discovering she really missed it. Luckily her teacher is precious and let her return.
5. Sleep (and yes SD, this one is for you) My children+sleep=a book. Madyson DID NOT sleep through the night until she got bunkbeds at age 3.5. Yes I am serious. Not one night did she sleep. She would scream as a baby until you were awake and holding her and talking to her. Not the swing, nor carseat, nor cosleeping, nor pack-n-play nor bed would give her what she wanted. As she got older she discovered she could be quiet and play and stay up all night. Many a mornings I would awake to find her once clean room destroyed from her night of partying. BUT during the daytime? Oh she could sleep like a champ. Aubrie Kate on the other hand was an amazing sleeper as a newborn BUT around age 14months she discovered sisters game of being up all night. And so it begin. It wasn't until we found the Warm Fuzzies that she started sleeping through the night (and yes it is still working) Now she is a champ. I cried so many nights wondering what the heck was I going to do...I finally learned... I was going to sleep and they were going to be tired. If they weren't hungry, dirty, sick or cold. There wasn't much more I could do for them.
6. I break all rules when it comes to food. My kids eat and enjoy vegetables. They have never had a hamburger. Neither will eat Ketchup. Junk Food is my bribe. When we go on long road trips they know they get the good stuff. We don't keep it in our house regularly. They enjoy water and juice but know just how great a coke taste. They have been to more fine dining restaurants then most adults. They enjoy a medium rare filet. I mix sweet potato baby food with mac-n-cheese.
7. House cleaning: I will forgo a week of housework if it means building a super cool fort out of the old dishwasher box. Laundry gets the boot from afternoon scavenger hunts. Figuring out what shape the clouds are is MUCH more important than doing the dishes. If you ever come to my house unannounced you will see a lot of playing and not a lot of cleaning. I clean when I get a chance and before it gets to the point of gross but spending time with my kids is more important.
8. I do not put up with whining or misbehaving. Not saying they don't do it but they know its unacceptable. Madyson started in time out at around 18 months. She was the easy to discipline child. She knows right from wrong and knows we have concquences when we don't do what is right. She has been taught to do what glorifies God. And I pray it sticks with her. She has only been spanked 3x in 5 years. Aubrie Kate on the other hand...(and I promise its the 2nd child thing) only understands one thing. Mommy will take away all my toys if I act ugly. That child will throw some fits..anywhere about anything. And the only thing that works is to clear her room of all her stuff and she has to earn it back. (and yes we have a bucket) Timeouts will work occasionaly but not nearly as effective as they were on Madyson. When we are out in public, before I get out of the car we have "The Talk".."We are running in to get (give list) then we are going to check out and get back in the car. We are not buying candy or toys today. I expect yall to sit quietly and let me get threw the store, then we will go home and have a snack..." 95% of the time it works.
9. child birthing: I tried natural child birth for hours upon hours. After breaking blood vessels, have a child that got the hiccups and discovering I have a narrow canal. I became the poster child for csections. Natural child birth (what I experienced was pretty cool and painful, epidurals are a great invention and csections run alot of risk but in some cases it is the only way) No matter how you get them here, your still a mom. I am pretty sure you don't get a special badge to wear on your mom sash that says "ALL NATURAL BABY" or "I QUIT AND GOT A CSECTION". and if you do...somebody owes me two "I got my guts cut open and have a scar to prove it" Badge.
10. I allow my kids to dress in whatever they want. I had a friend once explain to me about why her child was out in striped leggins, polka dot socks, mismatched shoes, a tutu and a sparkly tank. She said.."She picked this out and she feel beautiful. If I tell her she doesn't match it will break her heart" That stuck with me as my girls got older and more involved in their clothes choice. Most of the time they do okay (esp. aubrie she is all about some matching.) but sometimes their choices aren't like mine and I am okay with that. They are clothed and they feel pretty. What more do I want?
*My girls understand modesty and know they are expected to dress in a God Honoring Way. I have taught them this from day one and will continue to preach this. It disturbs me to see preteens dressing like they are going to the clubs*
and last...(I really could go on all day...but I'll give you time to pick your chin up off the floor from all the rebellion)
11. I strive to be the best mom I can be. I back up all of my decisions with the knowledge that my kids are happy, healthy, and well taken care of. To me, that's all that matters.
I am writing this post not to say my way is the best way bc I know tons of moms who are simple amazing at how they do things. I am writing this to say it is okay to be a little different. To not be the "norm", to break some rules. If parenting was suppose to be done one way and one way only, then God would have made every child the same and the world would be perfect. I challenge you to step back and look at your kids. Are they happy? Are their basic needs getting met? Are you enjoying them? If you can answer yes...then I would say you are doing things just right. Now, quit reading and go build a fort.
Thanks for this post! I have compared my girls to other kids a few times and gotten frustrated because they don't do _____ as well as someone else's kid. Then I remember that all kids are different and mine seem *mostly* happy and healthy...which is all that matters. I'm trying to let go of the by the book methods that others say works for their kids because my kids would need a book written specifically for them. ML is very high strung and has to have things planned out way in advance. AG is much more laid back, but she still has to have some things very structured. Sleep is a huge issue in our house because neither of them like it. They eat junk food but would rather fruits and veggies. I give them "sprite water" instead of lots of sugary juice drinks...a cup of water with just enough sprite in it to flavor it, but they'd rather milk most days. They watch TV, but we spend lots of time talking and playing games (along with anything else that might help them learn something new). All that to say, that what I've learned most as a mom is that there really are no rules for how to do good parenting...as long as you're meeting their needs, you're a good parent.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I am laughing out loud at your little night owls who have a destroyed room in the am from all the pm partying. I love this so much and I love you! Such a great post!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I'm actually working on a similar-ish (at least on the same subject) post myself - I've seen WAY to many Moms attacking other Moms lately, and I'm tired of it! We all need to support and build each other up - Mommyhood is hard enough!!
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