Today-Todd and I are celebrating eight years of being married. 8 whole years. When I think about all we have done in 8 years-It seems to have flown by. I am so thankful for our marriage and
our crazy story. But-when I set down to write this post about our marriage-I couldn't be all "It has been wonderful and amazing..." because y'all, that's a big ole lie. There have been a lot of wonderful and amazing moments over the last eight years-but then there has also been some "what did we get ourselves into," moments.
The most requests I get via email about our blog- is to talk about our marriage. It is pretty well written in the blog community to not share much about marriage because its...well...private. But lately it has been on my heart to open up a bit. And share with you the "truth" about Todd and I-without over-sharing our personal space. After talking-we decided that this is our platform to share our joys
and our struggles.
We want our readers to know-we struggle in marriage. Our lives are not always fun trips and happy times. We have daily obstacles and we face them. So we are taking on this taboo topic and allowing you in. Our prayer is that this will not be used for gossip or boastfulness but will help someone who might be struggling with their marriage as well. So Todd will be adding his 2 cents in via
italics. And I am claiming the plain print.
When we were married we did it for all the wrong reasons. We did not start our marriage with Christ as the focus-we did not go to church-we enjoyed each others company and got along-reason enough to get married right? Wrong.
Being married is hard. It is a daily struggle to live with someone
and to love them each and every day. For years we battled communication issues-I am a communicator,
I on the other hand am not (understatement). I like to talk things out and come up with a solution-Todd processes everything internally-then
might talk about it. Life would be going awesome and then BOOM-something would happen and we would plummet.
90% of the time it was my fault for the downfall, I struggle with impulse, if it looks do-able, I tend to act before the full thought process completes, thus creating chaos. When they say Love is like a roller coaster-they aren't kidding. You never know when that next drop will be.
Sure- speaking words of love are a great way to keep your feelings on your sleeve, however I have recently found a verse that I am trying to cling to; 1 John 3:18 says,"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
I have had to learn how to deal with living with a boy and still love him after seeing all the "unattractive" things that boys do. {{Nose picking...Farting...ya know what I am talking about}} But also-how to share my daily life with someone and not be selfish. Being a wife is a hard job. God has commands and outlines for how wives should act-or treat their husbands all throughout the bible. Around year 5-yes it took that long...-I really started to try to be a Godly wife. I began working on submission in my life. Allowing Todd to step up and be the leader of the household (O.M.G. THAT WAS A HARD ONE) Focusing on my relationship with Christ and allowing that to be the guide to my relationship with Todd. But sometimes-I would forget to thank God for my husband. I would go throughout my day making plans for our family, kids and forget to sit and ask Todd how he felt about this. It is easy-as the woman-to get all caught up in scheduling the kids lives-my PTO obligations-work-social calenders...and forget to stop and say-God, is this where you want me to be serving? Am I being the kind of wife Todd needs? Am I being a helper to Todd? I quit asking God these things...I quit praying daily for our marriage-not out of spite-but because I got busy with "my life".
But this past year-has tested our marriage more than ever. I think the entire thing started last August-when I went back to work. I enjoy working-but Todd was in the process of a job change-I was going to a new job-Madyson was starting a new grade-and well Aubrie Kate (sadly) was kind of tagging along. I was busy focusing on the obligations I had to our school PTO-a job I had no clue would take so much of my time-and then the girls had ballet, and we had life group, and choir, and volunteering with the food pantry...we were home maybe 2 nights a week. Then one day we found out Amelia was coming-and that was a happy day! We were elated. But it also added more stress. Coming out of the miscarriage-and then coming down with Fifths Disease-It was tough.We quit our weekly dinners with friends (who kept us accountable for our actions) and-we found out that Todd's mom was running out of time and her death was imminent. We made the decision to spend as much time as we could with her. Leaving church on Sundays after we taught (skipping Worship) to go and be with her. I don't regret this because we were with her-but I do regret this because we knew what the outcome was going to be and we could have been focusing more on what we would need to get through it. This continued up until she passed away in October. Then from there-life was really vague. I pulled the girls out of dance-because we needed time to heal. I enrolled them all into grief counseling-I did what I thought was needed. Once we got "in the clear" with Amelia's development a little bit of stress was relieved. But we were still coping with 2 grieving kids-Todd and I were so busy working we had no time for each other. Our lives would get a little better. Then something would set off a bomb and it would be a little worse. Then it would get better. Then worse. It was exhausting-and it was like this up until the spring of this year. We had been torn apart by pain-we tried to handle it all by ourselves. We lost the core of our marriage (God) and we suffered and struggled.
Let me tell you a few " ugly truths" about what we have been through.
1) The word divorce was thrown out a few times. (By me. I will admit it)
2) When Christ is not the focus of your marriage-you will be in serious pain emotionally-physically-and of course spiritually.
3) Neither Todd nor myself are close to perfect and we both have serious imperfections.
Now-A few positives that outweighed the negatives.
1)We stepped back from the negative-painful marriage
we had created and put it all out on the table. We looked at what was hurting us-we seeked help and support in our Life Group-we both decided that divorce was an easy fix for our problems. But not spiritually what we wanted. We made the decision that despite the pain-we would work together and that divorce
was not an option.2) We took the first step and asked for forgiveness from God. We put him back in the center-in the front-in the rear and anywhere and everywhere else we could. We still, on days, have to stop and say "God I need you...right here right now" . The serious pain is healing. Emotionally-we respect each other more-we are connecting again where we once were disconnecting. Spiritually-we are seeking Him-daily. We have to remind ourselves that we are not in control. We have to give it to God and trust that He knows best-and do our best to stay on His path. This takes A LOT of communicating....and we are doing MUCH better at that (
yes even me)
3) we will never be perfect. And neither will our marriage. But we are willing to look at our mistakes, our imperfections, and learn from them.
There is a song on KLove right now-by Chris August called Restore. On the KLove website Chris speaks about the reason behind this song.....
"I kept thinking about how our society makes it so easy to just quit. I’ve seen billboards advertising quick and cheap divorces. I’m sure some people are starting to wonder, what is the point of committing considering it seems like most marriages don’t work out in the end. This is why I felt like this song had to be on this record. We need to be reminded that God wants to heal us. He wants us to fight for it and not to give up. The enemy is going to try and divide up the family. He’s going to use our weaknesses. He will make it seem like there is no way we could ever fix what went wrong. The good news is that God is bigger than our weaknesses and He can heal even the most broken heart. So in a time when it feels like nobody is growing old together, put Jesus in the middle. He will restore." The Lyrics to the song are as followed:Nobody's growing old together,
we've made it easy just to quit
Love has become a negative percentage,
Why do we bother to commit
We've got a long list of excuses,
Ways we try to justify
Well, I propose to you the truth is,
Marriage does not have to die
CHORUS
I know you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore
He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever
But right now if they're being honest they don't know if they'll stay together
Let's fast forward to the future after struggling on their own
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home
CHORUS
The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight
But darkness will always lose out to light
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side
I see you growing old together
I pray I find a love like yours
So if you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore
Like it was before
You may have strayed off course
But He will restore When life got really hard this past spring-and this song would come on the radio-I would sit and just sob. I knew that God would restore our marriage not back to what is was-because even at our best time it was far from an "amazing marriage"-but he would restore it and nurture it and That He would make it what it was suppose to be.
Friends, we are real and we might not share the ugly times a lot on this blog-but do not think that we do not have them. We do. We are far from perfect but we have chosen to work through all of the negatives of this world and do it-together. No matter if you are going through something similar-or if you think your situation is worse (or maybe even better) Seek God-daily. I can not begin to express how much easier the hard times are when you allow Him to be in control. You might not feel comfortable at times-but you have to just trust and know that His plan for you and your life is greater than you can imagine.
Eight years-We have come a long way from those really lost kids we once were. But we still have a long way to go to be the people we desire to be. I am thankful to be on this journey with Todd. He is my truly my best buddy. Over the past couple of months with the roller coaster that is OUR life, only through the perserverance and struggle do we really find out what we are made of. I come from a long history of sports, and a phrase that was very prevalent on the field was that strength isn't something that comes natural for most people, it is something that comes with the blood, sweat and tears from the work you put in. James talks alot about persaverance in his first chapter. I can only find encouragement in the way that Paul and Luke lived their final days, No matter where they were, they understood that being a believer in Christ would be hard. Husbands please take the time to invest in your family, They need you and look up to you just as, we the children of God need Him and look for Him on a daily basis.
James also says that we should take pride in the many trials that we will face, because in doing so it makes us lean more onto God to get through to storm {{ Y'all know we love us some storms in the Broadus house}}. In Hebrews the author writes, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with the endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus.
Stamina and endurance take discipline, when I think of being a disciple of God, I know that it takes discipline. Not only in your own point of view but to all challenges set before us. I truly believe that God has given me this woman to keep me hungry and focused on the true meaning in life: to glorify God.
Until we speak again, and until the whole world hears, be diligent in your everyday lives and seek the asnswer from God, not asking double-minded, for you cannot hear Gods directions if you wont get out of the Drivers seat! Thanks for being on this crazy living journey with us.
Here is to another eight years.
