#onebigtruth

When life falls apart and is spinning out of control-sometimes it is really hard to stop-and get the reins tight enough to gain that control back. That is where I am right now-pulling really hard on the reins trying to get control again.

Let's recap-since November of 2011: I have had a miscarriage-had 3 failed adoptions-gotten pregnant-had a rough pregnancy-my mother in law died-my husband fell apart-I got put on bed rest-my husband lost his job-we had a premature baby-we almost lost our marriage....yea. Pretty rough time. 

I am a very "control" person. It has taken a lot for me to step back during all this and "ride it out". I couldn't have done anything to change any of it. God orchestrated it. He has allowed us to suffer to teach us to trust in Him. 

I have been spending a lot of time in prayer. I am working on finding a balance between being in control and allowing God to be in control.

Each day-I have to wake up and make decisions. What are the girls going to wear to school-what am I going to do today-what are my goals for the day. Those decisions I am in control of. The bigger picture is all Gods. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want. Is it what God wants? Will I be okay if my plans don't line up with his? 

Todd and I have never really had a "plan" in life. We have always gone about this marriage/parenting thing on a whim. Sometimes it has benefitted us. Most times it has hindered us. So part of our rebuilding our marriage is to talk and write out our plans. We did an excersise the other night "what I want" we took 3 minutes to write down what we wanted material, spiritual, professional....it didn't matter. You know what was hard....I had a time thinking about what I want. 

As a mom-you become easily focused on putting others first. I read a book by Terri hatcher a few years ago called Burnt Toast. the basis was it's okay to sometimes toss the burnt toast and make yourself a non burnt piece. 

After the excersise we shared with each other what we had written down-Todd's was very direct. I think guys have a lot of time to contemplate what they want. Mine was more here and there. I want to adopt or foster....I want to sell our house and downsize...I want to go shopping-for me. selfish? Yea..but you know.. Inever go shopping for me. I can not tell you the last time I went to the mall-without kids and stayed only in the women's department and bought clothes for myself. I have 1 pair of jeans that fit-got them 2nd hand off of eBay. I have 15 shirts that fit-12 came from my sisterinlaws closet clean out. The 5 dresses I have-4 were gifts from my mom . I am blessed to have these things but really-it's something minor that I want for myself. And I don't mean a huge shopping spree that cost hundreds of dollars-just a trip to buy maybe another pair of jeans, a few shirts,and a new pair of black pumps. Anyway...

After we shared our wants-we prayed-we asked God to help us figure out what was next for our life-we want --need--a plan.

Then last night-after the kids were in bed, We each wrote out our 5 year goals. He wrote his-i wrote mine. Then we compared. We took our lists and we developed our family goals. Stuff we really want to accomplish-like moving to the country-fostering at risk kids-helping fund a ministry-Todd wants to get a degree in social science...all things that are doable with Gods help and His guidance. So that's where we are. Taking our reins-slowing down-looking ahead-and praying for God to help us orchestrate the next steps...

Our Marriage isn't perfect.

Today-Todd and I are celebrating eight years of being married. 8 whole years. When I think about all we have done in 8 years-It seems to have flown by. I am so thankful for our marriage and our crazy story. But-when I set down to write this post about our marriage-I couldn't be all "It has been wonderful and amazing..." because y'all, that's a big ole lie. There have been a lot of wonderful and amazing moments over the last eight years-but then there has also been some "what did we get ourselves into," moments.

The most requests I get via email about our blog- is to talk about our marriage. It is pretty well written in the blog community to not share much about marriage because its...well...private. But lately it has been on my heart to open up a bit. And share with you the "truth" about Todd and I-without over-sharing our personal space. After talking-we decided that this is our platform to share our joys and our struggles. We want our readers to know-we struggle in marriage. Our lives are not always fun trips and happy times. We have daily obstacles and we face them. So we are taking on this taboo topic and allowing you in. Our prayer is that this will not be used for gossip or boastfulness but will help someone who might be struggling with their marriage as well. So Todd will be adding his 2 cents in via italics. And I am claiming the plain print.

When we were married we did it for all the wrong reasons. We did not start our marriage with Christ as the focus-we did not go to church-we enjoyed each others company and got along-reason enough to get married right? Wrong.

Being married is hard. It is a daily struggle to live with someone and to love them each and every day. For years we battled communication issues-I am a communicator, I on the other hand am not (understatement). I like to talk things out and come up with a solution-Todd processes everything internally-then might talk about it.  Life would be going awesome and then BOOM-something would happen and we would plummet. 90% of the time it was my fault for the downfall, I struggle with impulse, if it looks do-able, I tend to act before the full thought process completes, thus creating chaos. When they say Love is like a roller coaster-they aren't kidding. You never know when that next drop will be. Sure- speaking words of love are a great way to keep your feelings on your sleeve, however I have recently found a verse that I am trying to cling to; 1 John 3:18 says,"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."

I have had to learn how to deal with living with a boy and still love him after seeing all the "unattractive" things that boys do. {{Nose picking...Farting...ya know what I am talking about}} But also-how to share my daily life with someone and not be selfish. Being a wife is a hard job. God has commands and outlines for how wives should act-or treat their husbands all throughout the bible. Around year 5-yes it took that long...-I really started to try to be a Godly wife. I began working on submission in my life. Allowing Todd to step up and be the leader of the household (O.M.G. THAT WAS A HARD ONE) Focusing on my relationship with Christ and allowing that to be the guide to my relationship with Todd. But sometimes-I would forget to thank God for my husband. I would go throughout my day making plans for our family, kids and forget to sit and ask Todd how he felt about this. It is easy-as the woman-to get all caught up in scheduling the kids lives-my PTO obligations-work-social calenders...and forget to stop and say-God, is this where you want me to be serving? Am I being the kind of wife Todd needs? Am I being a helper to Todd? I quit asking God these things...I quit praying daily for our marriage-not out of spite-but because I got busy with "my life".

But this past year-has tested our marriage more than ever. I think the entire thing started last August-when I went back to work. I enjoy working-but Todd was in the process of a job change-I was going to a new job-Madyson was starting a new grade-and well Aubrie Kate (sadly) was kind of tagging along. I was busy focusing on the obligations I had to our school PTO-a job I had no clue would take so much of my time-and then the girls had ballet, and we had life group, and choir, and volunteering with the food pantry...we were home maybe 2 nights a week. Then one day we found out Amelia was coming-and that was a happy day! We were elated. But it also added more stress. Coming out of the miscarriage-and then coming down with Fifths Disease-It was tough.We quit our weekly dinners with friends (who kept us accountable for our actions) and-we found out that Todd's mom was running out of time and her death was imminent. We made the decision to spend as much time as we could with her. Leaving church on Sundays after we taught (skipping Worship) to go and be with her. I don't regret this because we were with her-but I do regret this because we knew what the outcome was going to be and we could have been focusing more on what we would need to get through it. This continued up until she passed away in October. Then from there-life was really vague. I pulled the girls out of dance-because we needed time to heal. I enrolled them all into grief counseling-I did what I thought was needed. Once we got "in the clear" with Amelia's development a little bit of stress was relieved. But we were still coping with 2 grieving kids-Todd and I were so busy working we had no time for each other. Our lives would get a little better. Then something would set off a bomb and it would be a little worse. Then it would get better. Then worse. It was exhausting-and it was like this up until the spring of this year. We had been torn apart by pain-we tried to handle it all by ourselves. We lost the core of our marriage (God) and we suffered and struggled.

Let me tell you a few " ugly truths" about what we have been through.

1) The word divorce was thrown out a few times. (By me. I will admit it)
2) When Christ is not the focus of your marriage-you will be in serious pain emotionally-physically-and of course spiritually.
3) Neither Todd nor myself are close to perfect and we both have serious imperfections.

Now-A few positives that outweighed the negatives.

1)We stepped back from the negative-painful marriage we had created and put it all out on the table. We looked at what was hurting us-we seeked help and support in our Life Group-we both decided that divorce was an easy fix for our problems. But not spiritually what we wanted. We made the decision that despite the pain-we would work together and that divorce was not an option.

2) We took the first step and asked for forgiveness from God. We put him back in the center-in the front-in the rear and anywhere and everywhere else we could. We still,  on days, have to stop and say "God I need you...right here right now" . The serious pain is healing. Emotionally-we respect each other more-we are connecting again where we once were disconnecting. Spiritually-we are seeking Him-daily. We have to remind ourselves that we are not in control. We have to give it to God and trust that He knows best-and do our best to stay on His path. This takes A LOT of communicating....and we are doing MUCH better at that (yes even me)

3) we will never be perfect. And neither will our marriage. But we are willing to look at our mistakes, our imperfections, and learn from them.


There is a song on KLove right now-by Chris August called Restore. On the KLove website Chris speaks about the reason behind this song....."I kept thinking about how our society makes it so easy to just quit. I’ve seen billboards advertising quick and cheap divorces. I’m sure some people are starting to wonder, what is the point of committing considering it seems like most marriages don’t work out in the end. This is why I felt like this song had to be on this record. We need to be reminded that God wants to heal us. He wants us to fight for it and not to give up. The enemy is going to try and divide up the family. He’s going to use our weaknesses. He will make it seem like there is no way we could ever fix what went wrong. The good news is that God is bigger than our weaknesses and He can heal even the most broken heart. So in a time when it feels like nobody is growing old together, put Jesus in the middle. He will restore." 

The Lyrics to the song are as followed:

Nobody's growing old together,
we've made it easy just to quit
Love has become a negative percentage,
Why do we bother to commit
We've got a long list of excuses,
Ways we try to justify
Well, I propose to you the truth is,
Marriage does not have to die


CHORUS
I know you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore


He said with this ring I promise, and with I do she said forever
But right now if they're being honest they don't know if they'll stay together
Let's fast forward to the future after struggling on their own
They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home


CHORUS


The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us to give up the fight
But darkness will always lose out to light
'Cause we've got the power of Christ on our side

I see you growing old together
I pray I find a love like yours

So if you're feeling like it's falling apart and it can't go on anymore
God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore

Like it was before
You may have strayed off course
But He will restore


 When life got really hard this past spring-and this song would come on the radio-I would sit and just sob. I knew that God would restore our marriage not back to what is was-because even at our best time it was far from an "amazing marriage"-but he would restore it and nurture it and That He would make it what it was suppose to be.

Friends, we are real and we might not share the ugly times a lot on this blog-but do not think that we do not have them. We do. We are far from perfect but we have chosen to work through all of the negatives of this world and do it-together. No matter if you are going through something similar-or if you think your situation is worse (or maybe even better) Seek God-daily. I can not begin to express how much easier the hard times are when you allow Him to be in control. You might not feel comfortable at times-but you have to just trust and know that His plan for you and your life is greater than you can imagine.

Eight years-We have come a long way from those really lost kids we once were. But we still have a long way to go to be the people we desire to be. I am thankful to be on this journey with Todd.  He is my truly my best buddy.

 Over the past couple of months with the roller coaster that is OUR life, only through the perserverance and struggle do we really find out what we are made of. I come from a long history of sports, and a phrase that was very prevalent on the field was that strength isn't something that comes natural for most people, it is something that comes with the blood, sweat and tears from the work you put in. James talks alot about persaverance in his first chapter. I can only find encouragement in the way that Paul and Luke lived their final days, No matter where they were, they understood that being a believer in Christ would be hard.  Husbands please take the time to invest in your family, They need you and look up to you just as, we the children of God need Him and look for Him on a daily basis.

 James also says that we should take pride in the many trials that we will face, because in doing so it makes us lean more onto God to get through to storm {{ Y'all know we love us some storms in the Broadus house}}. In Hebrews the author writes, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with the endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus. 

Stamina and endurance take discipline, when I think of being a disciple of God, I know that it takes discipline. Not only in your own point of view but to all challenges set before us. I truly believe that God has given me this woman to keep me hungry and focused on the true meaning in life: to glorify God. 

Until we speak again, and until the whole world hears, be diligent in your everyday lives and seek the asnswer from God, not asking double-minded, for you cannot hear Gods directions if you wont get out of the Drivers seat! Thanks for being on this crazy living journey with us.


Here is to another eight years.

Rainbows.

I'm a bit of an emotional wreck right now. I believe a new school year-Aubrie Kate starting school-Mia Margaret entering her  5 month-all has my mommy emotions swirling.

But atlas-it rained today. I love a good summer rain. In Mississippi-that is key for dirty hair & pony tail day-because any southern belle will tell you that if you wash your hair on a hot day-then a summer rain comes-your hair will double in size-frizz up-and then you will get a lot of bless your heart looks. After a summer rain-or spring tornado-or fall shower...you  can usually find a rainbow. Yesterday and today were rainbow days.

I love rainbows. There is something so amazing about an arch of colors cascading through the sky. Recently (thanks to social media) I have discovered my "friends" have a love for rainbows as well. 

I love scrolling through my news feeds and seeing how friends-all over-have stopped and captured the majestic rainbow in all it's ROY G. BIV goodness.

The story of the Rainbow in the Bible is quite simple and you can look up the scriptures in (Gen. 6:1 through 9:17). During the time of a righteous man named Noah, the world was just like our own time; taken over by a great deal of sin, but Noah was an honorable man. He listened to God and cherished a close relationship with Him, so God called  Noah to build an ark, so that he, his family, and a pair of each creature would be saved from the destructive flood that he was going to pour over the entire earth in order to rid it of its wickedness. After 40 days and 40 nights of falling rain, God told Noah to come out of the Ark, and that is when Noah saw the colors that God had placed in the sky, saying that it was His Eternal Symbol of Promise that He would never send another catastrophic flood to the earth to kill all off mankind. This was and is His covenant with all of us. The promise; this rainbow; and this "true" meaning of it, supplies us with promise and hope. 

I have had a lot of storms in my life. For the past four years I have shared them with you. Job losses, sick kids, bad mistakes, hate, anger, pain from the loss of my mother-in-law and the loss of our precious babe. I have endured pain that-without faith-would have seemed unbearable. But at the end of each storm-there has always been a rainbow. Some of them not as vivid as others-but always a rainbow. 

I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and learned the term "rainbow baby". By definition it means a child born after a miscarriage or loss. A rainbow baby. I have one of those. Mia Margaret came after a hellacious storm. The loss and pain of a miscarriage-the hurt of being told "the birth mother has decided to keep the child-the birth mother decided to go with another family..."-the agonizing- excruciating pain of watching my mother-in-law suffer and die. And my children and husband grieve. My God that storm was insane. But at the end-when the winds quit and the waves settled-there was our rainbow.

Friend-whatever storm you face today-marriage, family, addiction, pain, unanswered prayers-know that your storm will end-focus on your rainbow-as soon as the clouds part it will be there.

Unglued.

Linking up today with these super sweet girls-on a series with today's topic "Coming Unglued".

10 years ago if you had of told 18 year old Sarah, "In 10 years you will be a mom, of 3 girls, you will live in the same house you grew up in, you will be involved in your church, you will be on PTO, and your life will be so chaotic that you will come unglued-a lot."

She would have said-you are flat out crazy.

See 18 year old Sarah had big plans-finish college-then go on to Culinary school-if kids came-it maybe 1 girl-but running a restaurant/event service company is a lot of work-so family would take a back seat. Church, PTO, not a chance. And a chaotic life? Coming unglued? Not so much. I can handle it all.

In recent years, I have discovered that I come unglued a lot more than I am proud of. My house is a wreck. I literally threw away/donated over 50 bags of stuff and I still can't get it together. I have a hard time trusting God on a day to day basis. And that my friend is just honest. I know in my heart of hearts that He has it all handled. He knows what is best for me and he knows the plan of my life-as long as I surrender. I tend to try to take the control away from Him-and when I do-life spirals out of control and I become unglued.

I snap a lot at my big girls. I am so ashamed of this. I thought I would be the cool mom that goes with the flow. I get frustrated when they don't put things back-when they cut apart my paper towels in the process of designing barbie clothes. When they take everything clean out of their drawers just to find their favorite pair of leggings. I yell and it is so hard. I have learned to apologize to the girls. And what a humbling experience it has been. Now that Madyson is old enough-she knows that when I snap-I need prayer. Once, I apologized for snapping after she asked for the 4th time in 20 minutes if we could play spa. Her response, "youre tired mommy, I'll pray for you to feel better."

I come unglued at Todd-. I snap when he doesn't get ALL the trash or when he leaves coke cans on the table-or eats cereal out of the BIGGEST bowl in the pantry. I am quick to apologize on this but still-I snap.

As a wife/mom I have a lot of expectations for myself. And when I fail at those-I become unglued.

I have begun a method of waiting before I respond. If I feel myself becoming unglued, I now stop-whatever I am doing-and I pray. My mantra lately has been Matt Maher's LORD I NEED YOU. I can't say I don't cry during this waiting time. But I feel myself being able to handle the stress/anxiety/frustration better.

My prayer is proverbs 16:3. Commit to the Lord, whatever you do; and your plans will succeed. One day-I will be able to handle situations better and more Christ like.
 

How do you handle your unglued moments?

The Scale.

{{ramblings from my thoughts}}

Right now, I am sitting on my couch surrounded by piles and piles of clean clothes that are folded. I am trying a new method and giving everyone their own laundry basket to put up. Hopefully, it will help curb the torture of me doing them all.

On the other side of the couch-is little "Sissy Foot" snuggled on her blanket, sound asleep. She has been having a rough day. Her eye duct is clogged and her belly is full and boy, is she gassy! I forgot how much little babies poot and how BIG those poots sound.

Today, has been a day. This whole week has been a week. Todd and I are sitting on a scale-both on separate sides-and we just can't balance. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time in 8 years this has happened. Neither of us like it-but we work through it because we are legally bound to each other-and well...because we love each other too much to let a little imbalance ruin us.

My heart has been heavy over the past few weeks for numerous things. A sweet baby born the day before Amelia passed away and her funeral service was today. I have spent the last few weeks praying for her parents. They have an amazing testimony building up right now-follow them here.

The whole marriage debate is saddening my heart as well. I have friends on both sides of the debate and I hate to see either of them hurt because of this. But America has become like Todd and I-off balance. The country can not get on the same page about anything anymore. Our melting pot is bubbling over with so many opinions that we can't level out and find an agreement. I wish Americans loved each other enough to not let an imbalance ruin us.

I have been debating my future. I have always had a plan. And right now-I don't have a clear idea of what the next few weeks/months are going to look like for my life. And it is extremely uncomfortable. I have been praying for God to give me some direction. But nothing yet. Join me in his prayer please.

This weekend is Easter and for the first time in years-I actually remembered and have somewhat of a plan.

We of course will do "Spring Saturday" again. I love Easter Baskets and love Easter goodies. But that is our spring celebration.

 Todd and I don't have new Easter outfits. I will pull something out of the closet that fits-Todd will more than likely recycle his seersucker pants and bow tie. The girls outfits don't match but they love them and that's all that matters-we are celebrating eternal life. Not materialism on Sunday.

Sunday, we will celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The idea that God loved us so much that he gave His son for our sins, overwhelms me. I have been reading about sins a lot these past few days. What did God give His son for? Sin is sin and all sins are equal. So my sins may be, in your eyes, 50x worse than your sins. But in God's eyes-they are sins.

In the book of John, Jesus faced a mob that was eager to execute a woman caught in adultery. He put a stop to it with a simple challenge: anyone who has no sin in their life should step forward and throw the first stone. 

The men in the mob, dropped their stones. They were not perfect. They could not cast a stone. When I read this story, I think back to the scale. At that moment, that the men dropped their stones, the scale evened out. The adulteress and the mob, equal sinners. 

As the weekend approaches, I pray that each of us take time to remember what we are celebrating and why we are celebrating it. We are not celebrating because we are perfect, in our perfectly ironed outfits, with our perfect white shoes, and our perfectly Pinterest-inspired Easter desserts. We are celebrating because we are dirty sinners who had actual blood shed for us. We are celebrating because our scale will level out this weekend-your sin is the same as my sin and our Father loves us enough to forgive us of those sins. 





 

A ring.

Todd and I had been working together 6 months. We never "dated" because in the restaurant business you work 7 days a week open to close...then you hang out after work with your coworkers. So there was no time for dating. We spent the summer hanging out and unknown to those around us, falling in love.

Todd's parents had gone to the beach for the week and we stopped by their house after work one night to feed their dogs and take them for a walk. We ended up "spending the night" together, sitting face to face, talking. We talked about our plans for the future, our past, our broken hearts, etc. It was that night I fell in love with Todd.

A few weeks later we went back to his parents house before work because he had to "pick up something". When we got there, I was sitting in his moms pink chair and he came and sat in front of me. He pulled out this vintage diamond cluster and explained how he and his mom had talked and he told her how much he loved me and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me...one day. He proceeded to put the ring on my finger and share how his grandfather had given it to his mother for her graduation and after he shared with her his feelings, she gave it to him for me.

notice in this picture (my favorite of them) that she has on the ring.

He said in his own way that he knew we were young, and barely knew each other but he knew his feelings for me were the real deal and that he would be honored if I would except this ring as a symbol of his love.
I was floored. I excepted the ring and off to work we went.

I wore that ring everyday. We eloped a month later and that ring was my original wedding ring. If you read our story-you know we had a wedding months later. And with that wedding came another ring and band and my cluster was put away.

Over the years, I would pull out my cluster because I loved it. To me, it symbolized us. It was given to Todd's mom by her father. And all little girls know the special bond between fathers/daughters. It was the ring we were originally married with. It was a symbol of the $65 we had in our bank account the day we eloped and the journey we had been on over the years... And how far we had come. Almost a year ago I began wearing my cluster daily. It was my wedding ring and I loved it.

When Todd's mom passed away in October, it became more special. Because it was now my piece of her that I wore everyday. Todd's relationship with his mom was the most important relationship he had...I wish I could say "until we got married" but truthfully it was until the day she left this Earth. I was honored to have her with me daily, knowing the love he had for her.

The thing about the cluster is I didn't have a band to wear with it. That was okay with me but it bothered Todd. I told him for our 10 year anniversary he could buy me a guard for the ring. And that was that.

Today, he came home and said he had an I love you present for me. I figured it was something babywise.
He pulled out a box-and inside was my cluster and its custom made band. He had one made for me "because, I love you".
I was so excited. Shocked. And surprised. I am so blessed to have this man who was raised by such an outstanding woman. And now, daily, I have a piece of her and (now)him- with me.

Death.

In my short 28 years of life I have experienced death in many levels. The death of my grandfather as a preschooler, the death of my dog as a child, the death of a friend by cancer as a preteen, the death of a friend by tragedy as a teen, the death of friends in college, the death of a mother-in-law...

All have taught me that life is short. That no matter what you have planned for the next year-God has bigger and more powerful plans.

In the last 4 months, Todd and I have been reminded of just how short life is-as we have watched new friends of ours suffer the most painful lost-the lost of a spouse. In their early 20's newlyweds and new to our bible study-they have endured "in sickness and in health-til death do us part" sooner than they had planned.

With the death of Todd's mom 3 months ago-we have been working on coping. It really changes your marriage when your spouse looses a parent. God was gracious to us-he gave us months to "prepare" for Kathy's death. However, when you have to adjust to not picking up the phone and talking to your mother everyday like you had the past 28 years...it is an adjustment.

We have been learning how to handle a child that is mourning the lost of her best friend. Daily-Madyson talks about "grandmomma" and how much she misses her, and how she can still hear her...and how she can't sleep some nights because she is so sad.

Aubrie Kate ask at least 4x a week, when Grandmomma is coming back...

Death is a very painful experience and so confusing.

As Christians we are taught to trust in Him and His plans and some days-that's just hard. I usually don't speak about the very personal parts of our life but I have had the feeling laid on my heart that this is something that needs to be shared.

The other night we were having a normal family night. I had made Chicken Spaghetti for dinner and everyone had eaten. Todd and the girls were watching The Disney Channel-and with our dining room table being in our den now-I decided to escape to the bedroom to eat in our sitting area and watch DVR'd Nate Berkus shows...because I can only handle so much teenybopping Disney.

All of the sudden-Todd burst into the room and had tears filling his eyes. He started... "I...just...can't....." and then the tears flooded out. I didn't have to ask-I knew what he was feeling. I sat and held him and cried with him. After a few minutes of sobs-he tried to shake it off and say "he needed to be strong...for the girls" The switch flipped to breakdown when Aubrie Kate looked at him during the show and said, "I miss grandmomma-she was the best grandmomma ever"

It took a few hours of crying, rocking, holding, rubbing, talking to help Todd and the girls through their breakdown. We talked about our favorite grandmomma times, and things we miss, and things we can do to remember her. We even pulled out her blanket-that Todd keeps put up-to "feel" her.

Everyone felt better after our little cry fest and again-I had to remind the girls that its okay to be sad at times-we are human and that's a feeling we have.

The girls and Todd attend therapy sessions at a center twice a month. this is only our 2nd month to be enrolled and learning to cope is part of our normal daily routine now.

Weather you are learning to cope with the loss of a parent, child, spouse, pet, friend...Please know that the pain that you are feeling is normal but you  have a purpose here on Earth and yes, their are others out there who feel the same way you do.

The race.

2 Timothy 4:7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have kept the faith.

Weeks ago, Madyson and I were laying in the bed discussing death and the fight grandmomma has fought against Cancer. As my 6 year old laid beside me...with tears rolling down her face asking me, "what can I do to save Grandmomma?" I set speechless.

I have learned, as a parent, when you dont have the answer...God will step in. The verse found in 2 Timothy 4 came to mind, then the thought of breast cancer awareness month followed. I shared with madyson how in order to find a cure for Cancer, researchers needed money/funding. And one way they get this is by walkers/runners in marathons fundraise for them. Thats all it took. She asked if she could participate in a walk so she could "save the grandmommas" for other kids so they wouldnt have to watch their grandmother suffer, the way she has. How could I say no? We signed her up online and discussed raising $250 for breast cancer. I thought that was reasonable. Thanks to amazing friends and family, Madyson raised $500.

Today, we got up and headed to the state capital to make strides. My brother, sister-in-law, neices/nephew, mom, todd and Madyson were all registered walkers. Aubrie kate and I planned to cheer them on.

The race began and they were off. Aubrie kate and I found a spot near the finish line and entertained ourselves with the ipad and snacks.

45 minutes into the race my mom, SIL, todd and madyson returned. My mom (a breast cancer survivor) was walked out, my SIL had bronchitis and the cold air wasnt helping and todd and madyson had to help them get back.

I could tell Madyson wasn't done and to be truthful, I was frustrated Todd didnt keep going with her. ( I know hormones...) I asked her if she wanted to finish-she said she did...with me. So 5month pregnant momma took her by the hand and we cut over to the 1mile sign where they had left off and hand and hand we walked (with daddy)  the rest of the 2.2 miles. the whole time I prayed for no contractions and heart problems. I knew Madyson needed to finish this goal for grandmomma and for her own mental being. One thing about Madyson is she processes things like an adult. The weeks leading up to the walk, she kept telling me..."Im going to tell grandmomma how I am helping find a cure for Cancer so when you are a grandmomma you wont have to be sick like her."

We got to the 3 mile marker....it wasnt much longer til we were done. Once she finished, she said..."I finished the race"

Yes baby girl, you did.

We headed out for lunch at the diner and then home for a nap. We had been home a few hours when we got a text from Todds stepdad....

"You might want to make it to the house today...moms not doing good."

Todd and I left the girls with my mom and headed over. When we arrived, we were heartbroken to find she is no longer able to communicate, having a very hard time swollowing, and fading...fast.

We have hours, days, maybe a week left with Grandmomma....and all I can think is..."She has fought the good fight."

Madyson finishing the race. Pictured with My mom-cancer survivor.

The race of life is a difficult and challenging one. Sometimes, in order to finish the race we need to start over. Sometimes, we just need to keep the faith. In Hebrews, we are told "..... let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." The race God has planned for me is different than the race God has planned out for you. May you run your race with endurance and faith, always fighting the good fight.

13 years.

13 years ago tonight, at 11:37pm I lost my best friend.

For a small recap, a bunch of incoming High school sophomore girls went to a high school guys birthday bbq. On the way home (the girls were in 3 separate cars) One car flipped and crashed then was struck by another car. In the main car was 4 of my dearest friends. Jennifer Shelby (who Madyson is named after) She was killed and the others injured.

My entire life was changed that night. We had a group of friends but Jennifer was my best friend. I wasn't in the car with her. I was in the first of the 3 cars. But as soon as we got the call, I was at the scene and the smell and the sounds and the lights....It is still so fresh in my mind.

Today, 13 years later, I sit holding my girls thanking God for everyday we have together because you never know when that last day will be. Jennifer was such an amazing person. I see her spirit in her niece Shelby (who is 1 year older than Madyson) she is a performer like her aunt and full of happiness too.

The other day I had todd pull out boxes of memorabilia from my jr. high and high school days. It was so nice to see pictures of her and her smile and to read notes from her. And just for a minute I could smell her perfume and hear her laugh.

I miss her greatly but rejoice that while I am here on earth figuring out whatever God's plan is for me, she is in heaven hanging out with Him watching from above.

just need to write.

I have alot I need to write about here. Our caterpillar turned to a butterfly, my dad had surgery, Todd's mom is having surgery again, Todd's first days at his new job, Madyson and her new attitude...

But I have the need to just write about nothing.

When change takes place, my life gets so chaotic. My dayplanner can't keep up, my laundry piles up, and for no other reason than I am still learning how to deal with change. I don't write alot about life after being an alcoholic because to me labels make life harder. But in all fairness. I was a complete alcoholic and I did that, to myself.

I use to deal with change and new things the same way I dealt with day to day life. A pint of vodka in the morning, some tequila through the day, finishing a pint (or two) of rum at night. And I functioned, and life was marry.

Now, when changed takes place I just get all discombobulated. I literally fall apart. I have a grip on life 97% of the time but still have a hard time dealing with change. Which is why my husband stayed at a job he was unhappy with for so long, because of me and my desire for routine.

How am I doing? Well, glad you asked. Since March 10th here is all the change we have gone through. Todd's mom had a MASSIVE stroke. MASSIVE. we have lost our favorite babysitter, my shopping buddy, and our weekly dinners with his family. THATS ALOT. She is recovering and making progress but its not the same. Monday she underwent phase 1 of 3 to remove a tumor in her brain they found because of the stroke. She has another surgery Wednesday, then the final surgery Friday.

I have a new job that is anything other than routine and I have to remind myself everyday that God has a purpose for me and its okay for it not to be the same thing everyday. Not getting up and "going to the office" everyday. I am sort of pretending that I do. I get up and I get dressed to go to the office in our house. but still, I am here and then I go out and I drive alot. I don't drive...ever. I have driven more in 2 weeks than I have in years.

Todd has a new job. Less hours at work, means more hours at home. We are thrilled, but that gets some taking use to.

spring time means more yard work, more allergy medicine, more bug bites. all change...

and me, well....I'm lucky to have friends who I text throughout the day. Who tell me when I need to be somewhere and what I need to bring. I am thankful for these friends.

I guess the best way to describe this feeling is I am walking down a busy street with everyone else walking the opposite way. I can hear them, and know I need to turn around to walk "with traffic" but all i can focus on is getting out of the way.

But you know what? I am walking. I am not stumbling.

I think if I am to be completely honest on this blog this past month and half has been extremely hard. There have been and still are alot of tears. Did we do the right thing? Is this the life God has planned for us? Why can't the answers be clear instead of fuzzy??

The answer is simple, sometimes we have to go through turmoil, pain, and change to allow God's plan to play out. Life isn't full of rainbows and sunshine. Some days are dark and sometime change is hard.

My prayer for our family is to embrace this change, to seek Him, to keep Him first, and to remember its not about us, its not about money, its about serving Him, loving Him, and making sure we never loose sight of that.

Thanks for just letting me write. I promise to be back soon to catch you up on all the good stuff.

in the midst of the crazy world...there is still alittle pain.

I try really hard to be strong. (but if you are my friend on facebook you know that word just makes you feel better when you #fail) REALLY hard. but sometimes (like today) I suffer from Covet 2.0

God has a plan for me. He has his timing and I need to set my impatient booty down and let him run the show.

Since the "miscarriage" (still hate that word) I have had 15 (literally) friends announce their pregnancies or adoptions. I have to keep repeating to myself...Its not my time. Its not my time. God knows my time and its a perfect time. 

But in all rawness and reality. It hurts. Staying strong, staying positive is what I have to do to stay sane. Because I am blessed, I am very blessed. I have two amazingly beautiful daughters and an awesome husband who is stepping up like no ones business to make sure I heal physically and emotionally. 

I am blessed. and I praise God for those blessings.

The new outlook on Laundry

For 3 years I have written about my love hate relationship with Laundry. It consumes my life, it always needs to be done. Just when I think I am caught up, I get another load....

It is something that has to be done, but is so annoying.

The other night I was serving at our church's clothes closet. This is a monthly thing for me that I enjoy doing. I always leave there with a life lesson but this past night was a huge exception.

A young mother walked in with her 4 children ranging from around 7 to newborn. She began looking through the racks when I over heard her say, "The temperature dropped so fast, and we don't have the money for winter clothes right now." She was standing in a short sleeve shirt, all of her kids were in short sleeve shirts and it was around 30 degrees.

I stopped and at that moment felt God thump me on the back of the head. No winter clothes? I thought to myself.. Here I am, a spoiled person. I don't spend alot of money on clothes. Most of the kids clothes are consignment unless mine or Todd's mom bought them for them as a gift. Mine are target/walmart/tj maxx, or burkes...Todd has the most expensive wardrobe because he has to be dressed for work everyday...but we have 5 closets full of clothes. Winter, summer, spring....fall....We get to change out our clothes as the seasons change....I get to have 15 baskets full of laundry to do at the end of the week. And that is a blessing. A HUGE blessing.

What if ....I didn't have clothes for my children?

What if....when the weather dropped they still had to wear shorts because thats all they had?

God blessed me that night by showing this family to me. What I feel like is a chore, would be a huge blessing to them.

Teaching Life Group and 3 orphaned no more!

Our Life Group has this "fun" thing we do, where we all sign up for different bible lessons and take turns teaching them. It allows you to get back to the basics of the bible and practice your teaching skills.

Last night was my night to teach. My story was Moses and the Red Sea. If you haven't read it...click here. 

After I taught, I was suppose to lead the group in discussions with a list of questions that were provided. One of the question is: "Who are you most like in the story"...usually I have a hard time answering this question but this time I did not.

I am most like the Israelites as they are crossing the desert..."Why did you bring us out here to die?
Leave us alone let us serve the Egyptians"...here was a group of people who God had protected through it all, yet they still didn't believe that he was in control. It took walls of water and dry sea land for them to stop and "be still" and KNOW that he was Lord.

So many days I try to be in control, this is a topic I have discussed alot on this blog. And last night was a huge reminder that I need to be still and let God do His plan.

After group, I was up most of the night, praying for Ashley and Kurt as they finally got to meet their son Liam. Also this morning I read on facebook were a friend of mine's sister who has been trying to adopt for 2 years was accepted and now is the mother of 2 beautiful girls! that is THREE children in 24 hours that are orphaned no more! I can't wait to add our #3 to that list!

^.....14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"

preschool & marriage

Aubrie Kate started Preschool today! She has been in daycare and was in a 2 year old program but she is now officially a preschooler. She gets to go on field trips this year and do all sorts of fun things!

she wanted a picture with her "pack" so I handed it to her and she held her sign and smiled so big! I didn't fix her sign bc she did it herself. I really wanted this memory :)
 I am so excited for her to be in preschool! She will also be starting Mission Friends, Ballet and Church Choir this year! Can't believe my baby is big enough for all this!


Yesterday was mine and Todd's anniversary! He finished my pantry! Now I just have to move in...and let me tell you...IT TAKES MY BREATH AWAY! we are suppose to go away for the night this weekend but I am so behind on cleaning and ready to get the kitchen done we might postpone it til next month! I can't believe we have been married for 6 years! It really has gone by fast. I love him more than I did that day and I am so excited to see what we have coming up in our lives!

From my Heart: When Life Gets into Marriage

I remember as a child thinking about how one day I was going to grow up and marry this handsome man and run my own business and travel the world with him. Even in my first pageant, my ambition in life was "To be a wedding planner and of course get married".

But then that day came, oh.. when I was around 18 when I thought to myself....you know marriage might not be all it cracked up to be. I mean, the "wifely" role of raising kids, taking care of a household, being the rock of the family. Yeah....none of that really appealed to me. It was the "perks" of marriage that appealed to me.

Then one day, I saw a picture of a guy, and my prospective changed. I said (and actually meant it) that is the guy I am going to marry. 6 months later, I did just that.

Now marriage for me was a quick thing. We never dated, we barely knew anything about each other, we had no careers, just jobs, we had no time to prepare. We eloped and kept it a secret. Then we all know what happened. Madyson was bestowed upon us, and life changed fast.

That time we needed to figure out who that other person was, was defiantly cut short. We now had to figure out, HOW we are going to do this. We had to quit living on love and start living a life that could support a child.

We both excelled in our career choices. I always knew event planning was my desire. I just had to figure out how to do that, without being "a wedding planner". Todd wanted to be a teacher but was an amazing business man, so he chose that career path.

After Madyson came, we had to adjust to life with 1 child, while still being newlyweds. It was very hard. Todd was in school and working full time. I was a stay at home mom (for the first time in my life) for 6 months. We moved 2x that year. We had to buy furniture, I had to go back to work (after not sleeping for 6months) it was just crazy. Then as we started getting settled....Aubrie came. and the roller coaster started again.

The one thing that has kept Todd and I together for *almost 5 years is the promises that we made to each other on day 1.

"It is about us and how we want to do it. We always talk, no matter if it isn't a pleasant conversation. We show love even when we don't feel like it. We never go to bed angry"

Life Happens, Marriage doesn't. You can't just say "I do" and go about it. Marriage is a full-time job.
For almost *5 years Todd and I have worked and worked and worked. We have overcome battles, we have learned a lot about ourselves, we have given every ounce of ourselves to our kids. We have fought and we have cried....but we have also loved more deeply than most people ever do.

I had an email from a reader who was horrified at the fact that we have been married for 5 years and we are just now leaving our kids for the first time. She went on to explain how it is so important for a marriage for couples to spend time together outside of the house, without the kids.

Thank you reader. I am completely aware of that fact. Todd and I have had over nights, we have had date nights, we spend time together a lot. But this weekend is our first trip (multiple days) away from the kids and it isn't because we haven't wanted too. Its because it has taken me this long to get to the point where I can.

In 1999, I suffered a huge loss in my life when my best friend (who was 15) was killed in a car accident. My life was turned upside down, inside out. I spent years learning how to cope with the thoughts in my head. One of the ladies who use to help me told me as I was finishing my last session with her, "One day you will have kids and the fears and the pain that you feel now, will come back to you, but you are strong enough to over come it."

For the first 2 years of being a mom that fear was there, but I couldn't overcome it, because I had no one to trust in. As my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger the pain has been eased. I am now at a point in my life where I am ready to leave my children for a few days.

I am excited about this trip. Todd and I are not "romantic" people. Destination trips, candle light dinners....that just isn't our thing. We are adventurous and fun and really random. This trip is just a highlight of things we love to do and time we are so excited to get. I am blessed that all of our parents (8ish) of them have come together in different ways to help us celebrate this big occasion. Because 5 years ago, I can guarantee they NEVER thought we would be here!

But at the same time, We are missing the first day of preschool for aubrie kate, the first day of 4k for Madyson, and Madyson's first day of ballet class for her new year. But I know it will be worth it, and I have taught my mom how to use her digital camera so she can capture it all for me!

So reader that will remain nameless,

 Thank you for your concern. Life sometimes gets into a marriage. Weather it be work, money, old battle scars, or children. When that does happen, it doesn't make your marriage less stronger, it just makes it more to work at. And makes the time you do get, even more special!

Down the yellow brick road and over the rainbow!

Okay! So have you missed me? I think this is the longest I have gone without blogging in a year!!! I had to take a break to clean my house! UGH! I tried, it still isn't done...but its better! I'm hoping to finish Friday!

We have a big weekend coming up! Madyson's Dance Recital is Saturday!! So excited! But first, let me finish telling you about dreams and such.

Like I said, my dream was to be an event planner. I had my plan worked out and I was right on track. I had experience in multiple fields, I was actually good at what I was doing...I was living my dream.

Then one night, Aubrie Kate started throwing up. She couldn't stop. We went to the emergency room and they did an X-ray. The X-ray showed she had an obstruction in her intestine. The doctor explained to us that normally they would rush the child to surgery. But because the only symptom AK had was the throwing up and swollen tummy,  she wanted to wait. We had to go home and come back 48 hours and they would redo the Xrays. They gave us a list of things to watch for and we were to come straight back if any of these things happened. 

While we were on watch I had to stay home from work. I am the mom, and that is a mom's job. When I returned to work (AK was cleared of the obstruction) my heart was no longer there. All day I sat in tears at the thought of not being able to be a mom to my children. Also struggling was my marriage. Todd is an amazing husband but he works ALOT. and with me working 80+ hours a week...he was feeling overwhelmed and a bit forgotten. Was it worth me having my dream job if it wasn't making me and my family happy?

 I decided to do something that I hadn't done in a long time. I turned to God. I sat down with God and I said, okay Lord. I am back and I am ready. For years I have been living my dream but I am starting to feel that this isn't your dream. So I am open. I am ready to serve you. I set a date. I said, Okay Lord, May 8th is my day. If we don't have a plan by then, I will quit my job and stay home.

That afternoon I went to pick my girls up at school and the director of the preschool asked me if I was interested in changing jobs. I automatically perked my ears up and said, "what do you have in mind?" She explained how a position was opening up at the church and the lady would be leaving May 8th. I told her I would think about it, got the girls, got in the car, and started sobbing. 

I mean, how much clearer did God need to be? But work for a church? Really? Me? 

I talked to Todd about it. He said to try and if it worked out then it worked out.

That night, I had another heart to heart with the Lord. "God, you really want me to work for a church? Are you sure? I know I said serve, but really??"

I decided to see what would happen. I emailed the pastor of this department and started communication with him. I filled out paper work, turned it in. He emailed me back to tell me they would be doing interviews later in the summer. I continued my job at the zoo, because I felt that was what I was suppose to do. One day, before a big event, I just broke down. I was so tired, I had missed Aubrie's first steps, I had missed Madyson's first Birthday party she was invited too...I was miserable. I again begged to God to please use me as a servant, that I was ready.

I got a phone call to come in for an interview for the position at the church. I did. Then a few weeks later, my ebony came into my office at the zoo and told me she got a phone call from the church wanting a reference. That afternoon, all of my references called me to tell me they had been contacted. A few days later I was sitting in my office at work, and my phone rang. It was the church, they wanted to offer me the position. 

I was ecstatic and depressed all at the same time. I was so happy God was back in my life but depressed because I was going to give up my dream, to follow his. I kept thinking to myself, how much fun can I have working at a church? There are no elephants, no tigers, no networking, no parties....

But I was committed and I knew it was something I had to do. 

Here I am 2 months away from my 1 year anniversary and I can tell you that I am so glad I allowed myself to follow God's dream for me.

Working for the church has changed my life. I now think before I speak, I am involved with a small group, I have friends, I have my family back, but most importantly, I have a relationship with God. A great relationship.

And the sprinkles on top of my cupcake? Well...I still get to help with the zoo events. They say they "value" my knowledge and let me tell them what worked for me and what didn't. I give them names to call and then get to show up the day of the event and assist in anyway I can. The excitement is still there but the stress is gone.

Which brings me to my book I have been waiting to tell you about.

If you remember a few days ago I went to the new library and got a book. I checked out God Has A Dream for Your Life by Shelia Walsh.

Remember her? The writer of my beloved Princess GiGi Books!

This book has been an easy read. Something I need! Here is what the description says about the book...

"Walsh, a popular songwriter and Women of Faith core speaker, has worn many hats (and shoes) over the years. It hasn't all been easy, however. While cohosting The 700 Club some years back, Walsh entered a psychiatric facility battling depression, feeling that she was living in a self-made virtual prison. She writes that though she gave her life to Christ at age 11, she could only give him her shame at 35, having lost the ability to dream and love as God had intended. Utilizing themes from The Wizard of Oz, Walsh takes evangelical women on a journey through Oz and weaves life lessons throughout. She asks poignant questions on gaining the freedom to love and be loved, to forgive and be forgiven. Claiming that most women go "gray" as a result of extinguished dreams and lifelong disappointment, Walsh tells them to believe in love rather than judgment, recognizing that God frequently uses pain as a bridge between individuals. The book opens forcefully, with Walsh making colorful connections between the messiness of life and God's sovereign, loving care."

I loved how Walsh used the Wizard of Oz as a background to her book. It made it easy for me to understand. It was something I, a regular person, could relate too.

My journey, my plan, was my Kansas. It made me gray. Once I decided to follow my yellow brick road (trusting in God) I found my Oz (happiness in life, fulfillment being a servant of God)

Lets Talk Dreams.....Part 1.

Do you remember being a child and playing "when I grow up..."

What did you want to be? 

I wanted to be a Disney Eventineer, Cupcake Shop Owner, Doctor, and Actress.

As times changed, I grew, and Reality sank in. Those dreams changes. 

I knew event planning was something I was good at. I did restaurant events, corporate events, donor events for the Law school, weddings, birthday parties, then I started doing zoo events. 

I love(d) events. It became my passion. It was close to my dream. 

On June 5, 2010 I will be at the Jackson Zoo as a guest coordinator helping produce Dream Night at the Zoo.

This is a world-wide event that allows children who have special needs, terminal illnesses, physical disabilities to enjoy the zoo with their family for free.

This year our team has collaborated with the community driven news team of Fox40 and the caring hearts of St. Dominic Hospital to give these children the chance to be whatever they want to be when they grow up, all in one night.

10 stations will be sat up throughout the zoo. Everything from Firefighters, policemen, doctors, artist, teacher, military, ZOOKEEPER, vet tech and even News Reporter.

These families will be able to walk the red carpet like movie stars while being photographed by official dream night paparazzi! They will get to dine on yummy snacks, have entertainment to enjoy...all at their own pace.

This night allows them to forget about the hospitals, the limits, the world that they are considered "different in". During this night, they are just regular kids who get to do regular kid things.

When they leave, they will be given gift bags and a web address that they will be able to refer to anytime they want to see themselves become their dream.

This event is my baby. I started it last year and I am helping continue it this year. 

I am blessed to have such a great support team and we are blessed to have such amazing zoo staff that dedicate so much time into making dreams come true.

Stay tune to tomorrow...we go over the rainbow...

The joys of being Southern.

In the south we celebrate every occasion with food.

If you die, your family gets fed well. If you have a baby, don't worry about cooking until they graduate high school.

Usually, during this ritual you will receive Poppy Seed Chicken, Chicken Spaghetti, and an excessive amount of cakes. I personally love it when I receive a good homemade coconut cake. That is a huge plus for me.

In the south we know that y'all is an abbreviation for you all. I even had a teacher that added that one to her list, right along with can't, isn't, don't. "You Guys" just doesn't fit when you are talking to a group of ladies in big hats.

Speaking of which, In the south we like it BIG. Big hats, Big Hair bows, Big teased hair, Big Pearls. 

In the south its okay to take your shoes off at a friends house, and make yourself at home. That's a sign of a great friendship, when you can just be relaxed and cuddle up on the couch or the porch swing and talk about your problems, your life, or that friend of a friend who is going through all sorts of things.

In the south we know that tea is served at its best when it is brewed then steeped then poured into a gallon pitcher, added 1 3/4 cups of SUGAR (not the yellow or the pink stuff) and then served over ice. If we are trying to make a lasting impression on  you, you might even get a sprig of mint and a slice of lemon.

In the south we respond with "Bless your Heart" and "I do declare". 

In the South, family is a huge part of your life. From your momma, and big daddy, to your aunts and uncles and cousins and 2nds and 3rds and 4ths. In a true Southern home, you know every detail about Aunt Bertha's son, Mack's, daughter Ellie's, 3rd grade boy, Joshua and his lack of behaving and how he had to go out and pick his switch last Sunday after bible school. You just know, and you care. 

In the south it is Football in the Fall and Baseball in the Summer. You select your team and you support them proudly. We ring our cowbells, wear the colors, we spend countless hours in places with names like "The Grove", we shout things like "ROLL TIDE" and "WAR EAGLE" and don't feel out of place. Its our thing. We instill it in our children and make sure they grow up with the attitude, "THAT IS MY SCHOOL" Sometimes, we even start instilling these traditions in our children from day 1. There are those diehard few that paint the nursery REBEL RED, AUBURN ORANGE, OR MSU MAROON. Those special ones have the LSU tiger mobile, the bama  onesie, and know the fight song before they know their ABC's. Its the south. We can do that.

In the south we learn to fish from our Daddy and our Momma A true southern girl can kick back on the bank, while barefoot and bait her own pole. We begin fishing early in the morning and stop around the time the mosquitos start to bite. We learn to hunt, to live off the land, and to drive the 4-wheeler. Because at least once in your Southern life, you will need to know these things.

In the south we know the art of smocking and monogramming. And we have at least 3 of each in our closets each season.

In the south we treasure the 2 weeks of spring and salivate on the 3 months of summer. Any excuse to get out the flip-flops, we celebrate.

In the south we attend fish frys, crawfish boils, cookie swaps, and grill outs monthly. Any excuse to fellowship and eat. We do.

In the south it is important to us to say Yes'mam and Yes'sir. Even if the person is just a few years older. If they are in charge of any situation, we respect them with these mannerisms. 

In the south we greet with hugs, pray out loud at restaurants before meals, help our neighbors...even if we don't know them, share the gospel with anyone that will listen, support each other, because it is the Southern thing to do.

The joys of being southern. 

But even with the joys of being southern, sometimes our "south" is different from other's "south" 

In my south....

In my south, I can refer to Turnips and Biscuits and receive texts that say "I am praying for you." Because people know that when those two come out, something is stirring in the air.

In my south, I can walk down the street and smile and say hi to every person I pass and 9 out of 10 will do the same. Because in my south, we see past the color of someone skin and we treat them the way we want to be treated.

In my south, I can read a tragic story on our local news' facebook page and then read the numerous comments from strangers, stating how they will pray for that family. Because in my south, we do that. We pray for the hurt, the lost, the needed.

In my south, life is good. Life is crazy. Life gets messy. But it is my south. 

I can look around and see things here that others choose not to see. 

I can see all the good that my south brings. 

I can enjoy my grits and my fried chicken, and my peas with a ham hock in it. Because its my south.

 I can raise my barefoot, big bow wearing girls to hunt and to fish and to be a lady all at the same time. Because in my south, women can be anything.

In my south, I can find the love of my life in an unexpected place, marry him a few months later, have amazing children with him, and know that he is my partner and we share the same values. In my south, husbands love their wives and their children. they are the providers and the head of the household.

Yes, my south might have it quirks but its my south, and it is one of the greatest joys of being Southern.