Death.

In my short 28 years of life I have experienced death in many levels. The death of my grandfather as a preschooler, the death of my dog as a child, the death of a friend by cancer as a preteen, the death of a friend by tragedy as a teen, the death of friends in college, the death of a mother-in-law...

All have taught me that life is short. That no matter what you have planned for the next year-God has bigger and more powerful plans.

In the last 4 months, Todd and I have been reminded of just how short life is-as we have watched new friends of ours suffer the most painful lost-the lost of a spouse. In their early 20's newlyweds and new to our bible study-they have endured "in sickness and in health-til death do us part" sooner than they had planned.

With the death of Todd's mom 3 months ago-we have been working on coping. It really changes your marriage when your spouse looses a parent. God was gracious to us-he gave us months to "prepare" for Kathy's death. However, when you have to adjust to not picking up the phone and talking to your mother everyday like you had the past 28 years...it is an adjustment.

We have been learning how to handle a child that is mourning the lost of her best friend. Daily-Madyson talks about "grandmomma" and how much she misses her, and how she can still hear her...and how she can't sleep some nights because she is so sad.

Aubrie Kate ask at least 4x a week, when Grandmomma is coming back...

Death is a very painful experience and so confusing.

As Christians we are taught to trust in Him and His plans and some days-that's just hard. I usually don't speak about the very personal parts of our life but I have had the feeling laid on my heart that this is something that needs to be shared.

The other night we were having a normal family night. I had made Chicken Spaghetti for dinner and everyone had eaten. Todd and the girls were watching The Disney Channel-and with our dining room table being in our den now-I decided to escape to the bedroom to eat in our sitting area and watch DVR'd Nate Berkus shows...because I can only handle so much teenybopping Disney.

All of the sudden-Todd burst into the room and had tears filling his eyes. He started... "I...just...can't....." and then the tears flooded out. I didn't have to ask-I knew what he was feeling. I sat and held him and cried with him. After a few minutes of sobs-he tried to shake it off and say "he needed to be strong...for the girls" The switch flipped to breakdown when Aubrie Kate looked at him during the show and said, "I miss grandmomma-she was the best grandmomma ever"

It took a few hours of crying, rocking, holding, rubbing, talking to help Todd and the girls through their breakdown. We talked about our favorite grandmomma times, and things we miss, and things we can do to remember her. We even pulled out her blanket-that Todd keeps put up-to "feel" her.

Everyone felt better after our little cry fest and again-I had to remind the girls that its okay to be sad at times-we are human and that's a feeling we have.

The girls and Todd attend therapy sessions at a center twice a month. this is only our 2nd month to be enrolled and learning to cope is part of our normal daily routine now.

Weather you are learning to cope with the loss of a parent, child, spouse, pet, friend...Please know that the pain that you are feeling is normal but you  have a purpose here on Earth and yes, their are others out there who feel the same way you do.