One year of a new life part 2: the silent months

So to pick up where we left off yesterday, the first seven months here taught me so much. When we moved we decided to begin homeschooling (Something we never thought we would do because of our excellent school systems in MS) but I have learned that if I say never God usually says "watch."

So here we are in a new place, without our friends and my family. No PTOs to join, no after school activities...no Wednesday night choirs, no small group. Our calendar was completly empty-except Todd's travel schedule. 

So to say we had a lot of time on our hands is a complete understatement. I was so lonely. Going from being busy all the time-to having so much time on my hands-was very, very hard. I was angry with God that he would put us here in this place and wouldn't provide me with a friend...really aggravated me. I mean didn't he want me to be happy? 

I spent the mornings doing school-and the afternoon while the big girls played and Mia napped studying trying to figure out what God had us here for.

As time went on, I found two verses that really stuck to me. "It is in Christ we find out who we are and what we are living for." Ephesians 1:11 and "After you have suffered a while the God of all grace will himself Restore, Confirm, Strengthen and Establish you." 1 peter 5:10.

Was I searching for myself in Christ? Was I living for his purpose? Truthfully-no. He was a part of my life but my life was a lot of "keeping up" with whoever. When you live in a small town your whole life you know everyone-and your daughters are suppose to take dance here, they need to play a sport there, you need to be on PTO-don't miss church on Wednesday or sunday-there was a lot of things I was living for-God was in the mix but not the main reason.

Being alone for someone social like me is suffering. I need people, friends...I like to know about people and pray with them and have them over for dinner. I like to surround myself with people who can be apart of "my village".

When I read 1 peter and it said "after you have suffered a while..." It was on a day when I was in tears. Todd was out of town working. Homeschooling took 8 hours and it felt like no progress was being made, Mia was screaming, I was just overwhelmed and very sad. I missed my Mississippi small group. I wanted to eat their food and talk about our kids and pray with them. I didn't want to be here and be alone. But I read this verse and instantly knew that God was talking to me. He was going to give me friends, after I spent time with Him. 

I began duel reading #momentmaker by Carlos Whitaker and #thebestyes by Lysa teurkurst. Both books were about life, moments and seeking God in choices. But 2 different approaches. (I am still in the mix of this self made study) I read each one individually-then went back and started taking notes correlating how I can still be a #momentmaker without being a yes girl. I am a total yes girl. And learning about embracing the Nos...was something I needed to do. 

I needed to reevaluate me. I needed to find out who I was and what I was living for through Christ. I needed to erase all the thoughts about who I thought I was or who I use to be and really focus on if that was the person God wanted me to be...and was it the best. 

In #momentmaker carlos says "We all have limitations. We all have fears. But Jesus meets us right where we are and guides us through the steps to overcoming them." 

...come back tomorrow for part 3.